Tree Killing…sorry tree

According to It would take a little more than half a tree to make a carton (10 reams) of 100 percent, non-recycled 20-lb. copier paper. One tree makes 16.67 reams of copy paper, or 8,333.3 sheets. One ream (500 sheets) uses 6 percent of a tree.



Hello everyone, I hope you have been enjoying my blog.  As I have said before it has been very therapeutic for me doing this.  I hope people can relate and self reflect on some of things that I have said.  Tomorrow, I will continue with my story, but today, I thought I would talk about those old good medical records that record everything about you while you are in prison, I mean hospital.  

It has been 348 days, 8,369 hours, 502,185 minutes, 30,131,106 seconds since my horrific event occurred.  A day that is clearly in my mind, well what I remember of the day, before the blackness.  It has also taken me that long to start the process of reading my own medical records detailing the events during my stay.

Why did I wait so long?  The answer is very simple, I have not been mentally ready to relive those events in my head.  They record everything from my anxiety to how much I went to the bathroom (and what type!).  I requested my medical records about 6 months ago and attempted to read them at that time.  I learned quickly that my body, my mind, was just not ready.  I started to have panic attacks (they are so much fun), and would just cry.  I had to put them back in the box and tuck them in a drawer.  I mean out of sight, out of mind, right?  WRONG!!!  Even though I had muffled their silence, I still kept wondering what was really in there.  Would it answer my questions about the 2 weeks of my life that I have no clue what happened?


Today, I took the plunge.  It felt like the polar plunge (for those who do not know, a polar plunge is when a bunch of people get together on January 1st of each year and run in the ice cold water of a river or an ocean).  I decided to start the process of going through the nearly 500 pieces of my life from the visited that lasted a month?  I feel really bad of the trees that had to be cut down just to prove that my life really existed during this time.  

Now some may say that this would be a creepy thing to do and I agree.  However, I want to bring some type of understanding to myself to understand really what happened.  No one sugar coating the facts, or telling me what they think I want to hear.  I wanted to hear it straight from the people that were there that experience it first hand.  That made the decisions that ultimately saved my life.  I also really want to put some understanding to my wicked dreams that I encountered.  What was really happening during those dreams in the real life whelm?

I have made it to page 33 today, and I am still alive.  I have about a billion pages to go but I have learned a lot.  I think someone was delirious though, when they said I weighed 266lbs.  I mean I have not weighed that since birth!

So readers, I leave you with my thoughts today daring you to take the plunge at something that will bring closure or answers to things that you have wanted to know.  Until next time, be safe, be healthy, and be proud of who you are.




    • Yes Linda. You might need to sign a wavier with the medical record department but that is it. Don’t except them the same day. They will give you a choice that you can pick them up or mail them to you. This goes for any type of health care facility (hospital, doctors office, urgent are clinic). That is how it is in the United States. Thanks for reading


  1. I found your blog today through another one and I’m hooked on this story! I envy the idea of looking at the account of your “lost life.” I wish I could do that. I have tried. Repressed memories have begun to surface and I can’t find one person or piece enough together to accept them as truth, even though my reactions and feelings and physical scars could be enough evidence. It’s denial probably. Cptsd. That’s my diagnosis. I’m glad you are alive to tell your story. I look forward to reading the rest and catching up to the here and now.


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