Decisions, Decisions


My team and I, with your wife, have discussed all the options that are available, and we think the best thing to do at this time is……” 

Wait, Stop the press!  You had a discussion without me?  Is there a reason that I was not there?  I hate when people do that thinking that they assume they know what the best is for me.  They don’t know me!  You want to know me, the involve me.  My mind is now functioning and I am able to participate in giving you my opinion.  I am not one to hold anything back and you will know it.  I love when doctors ask, “Does this hurt?” and I always respond, “trust me if you hurt me, you will know it!”

Well, there is nothing I could do about it now.  Let’s see what they have to say.  My doctor continues, and we think the best thing to do at this time is place a pacemaker and defibrillator inside of you to prevent any further events like the one that just occurred.  Inside of me, what do you mean?  I do not want anything intruding my body.  I strongly believe if God, wanted something to be inside or on me (like a tattoo) HE would have put it there.  She went on to say that I was a very strong candidate for receiving one.  Ummmm, I am not running for President here (I bet people would have voted for me based on who we ended up getting).


She went on to explain that since I have CHF (congestive heart failure), a left bundle branch (left ventricle of the heart is delayed), an enlarged heart, and cardiomyopathy (disease of heart muscle, this condition makes it hard for the heart to deliver blood to the body, and can lead to heart failure) that this would be the best route to go.  As she continued to talk, my mind was still on the fact that this woman wanted to go inside my body and place a device into my body.  Did she have any clue what she was saying to me?  Can’t you see that you are ruining my world?  I did not know what to say, what questions to ask, or what to do, so I did the only thing that I started to enjoy to do 1,2,3,4,5,6 (I really think there are more ceiling tiles today then the days in the past) and my eye lids fell shut and blackness occurred.

As I lay there dreaming, it took me back to a time in elementary school where I was always the odd one out.  You know, the type who was always picked last for dodge-ball, or the one that no one wanted to partner up with, cause they saw me as different.  Now, what were people going to say about me with this device inside me.  Adults can be far worse mean then little kids were these days.  I remember the hurt and pain that this caused in the past and I did not want to relive those days.

Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, are you OK?  Great blood time again!  I opened my eyes and adjusted them to the bright lights that surrounded me and noticed my nurse ICU Carol.  Little did Carol know she was in for a ride of a lifetime.  She did not know me from a hole in the wall, and she made the mistake of attempting to assume she knew who I was.  Bad Mistake! 


woodBetween yesterday and today I have spoke to some people and have read a lot of blogs, that have made a difference in my life.  Thank you for all of your support. My story continues and as long as I live I will always face life challenges.  And to that I say…BRING IT ON BABY, BRING IT ON!!!!  -Bruce





  1. I’m enjoying reading your posts, it kind of feels like I’m getting to hear what my boyfriend might have been thinking during his heart problems. So I just wanted to say thankyou for putting yourself out there !


  2. My boyfriend Doug likes to say “Today is the best day ever!” I brought it with me to school and a coworker and I say it with gritted teeth meaning “I hope to make it to the end of the day with my sanity intact.” Today really IS the best day ever. Again, thank you for sharing your story.


  3. Ah a pacemakers no ones going to see it! You can be the cool kid in the office with a box in your chest that shocks you and a woman put it there. I understand you only want God to put things in our body,but God was using her as his tool to fix you. Otherwise he’d take you a lot sooner. Thank God for nurses.

    Liked by 1 person

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