Are we there yet?

waiting

My doctor continues, and we think the best thing to do at this time is place a pacemaker and defibrillator inside of you to prevent any further events

So, my fate was sealed there was no saying no or putting up a fight after what I just went through.  Next time, there may be a next time where I don’t ever wake up.  I remember everyone walking out of my room as they delivered my death sentence and only my wife remained.  I could tell that she was trying to hold back tears but was being strong for me.  Well, I couldn’t be strong and I just lost it and the waterfalls started to bleed out of my eyes.  I could not speak, I could not move, all I could was cry.  So I did what I only knew I could do at the moment and cry.  I am not sure if my wife even knew what to do but sit there and hold my hand.  She was scared, wouldn’t you be?

I have come along way since being shocked on February 12th and I was not even though half the battle.  I finally was moved from the ICU (goodbye Nurse Carol) and placed on a cardiac floor in a room with another person.  Now, being the person that I am, 15 minutes later I was in a single room alone.  I could now go to bed and wake up, I could drink slowly, I could eat with assistance, I could talk, I could smile, I could fart, I could even watch TV to pass the time.  However, the most important person in my room was my wife when she was there.

My wife, whose life has been turned up inside out, has been there me by my side each and everyday.  She would be a my bedside half a day when I was in a comma, and then the other half of the day she would go to work in another hospital in Boston, and then return to my bedside afterwards.  I have no clue how the hell she ever managed it.  However, the thing that I feel worse about is not remembering her being there.  I have been told that when I was in my comma, she was there everyday, talking to me the entire time.  I feel bad though, cause I can not remember that experience.

And once again we had to wait for all of the puzzle pieces to fall into place.  It would be a couple of days until they would perform the surgery and all I could do was wait and count tiles to pass the time.  This room had bigger tiles, and made it much easier to count.  I was still traumatize about everything that had just occurred the past two weeks and I still had a hard time dealing with the two weeks that I remembered nothing at all.  Probably, one of the best things I asked my doctor and nurses was that I need to see a psychologist urgently.  I didn’t have thoughts of killing myself or anyone, but I needed to talk to someone that was out of the whole conversation who I could share my feelings and fears with.  Someone who could possibly help and get some answers to the unknown.

Then her and him appeared (an odd couple to say the least)……

vv

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