As most of you knew yesterday, I called out of my blog sick. I just didn’t want to write anymore and my body and mind have been drained. I finally figured out though why everything is hitting me like an Amtrak train going at full speed, February 12, 2016!
February 12th, in seven days, is the day that my story began. It is the day that my heart decided to act up. It is the day of the 911 call, it was the day when the 2 week blackness began. It is the day of so many unanswered question. It was the day that could have been my last. February 12, 2016!
Let’s face it February 12th, we now and always, will have a love/hate relationship. Unfortunately, I will not forget your date, just like everyone knows their birthday. I will not forget the events that took place that day up to when you decided to make your mark. Every year I will have certain feelings towards you and my anxiety will be just a tad elevated. I will not want to be alone on that day. I would need to surround myself by others to keep my attention off of you. I will overcome you but it is not going to be easy at all. However, I do know that March 1st is right around the corner, and it will out do you. Just during that day, I was given the complete second chance of life. You, on the other hand tried to take my life away.
It is now only 7 days a way, and yes I have become a stronger person since the last time we met, I am still not myself. I have been very busy putting my life back together and one of the most important things I have done was starting a blog. A blog where people have followed my story and listen to me. They acknowledge me for who I am and they support. I only have run into one person who didn’t deserve to read my story and that person is no longer around.
This week has been hard. In the past two days, I have had severe headaches, 5 panic attacks, and no sleep (not cause I didn’t want to sleep but cause of the panic when my eyes shut have been causing). I actually, was able to get some sleep last night but I find myself up at 5am, watching MTV’s Catfish on tv, and writing my blog for today. Today is also the Super Bowl in the states, where the best two football teams in each division compete for the biggest honor of the entire season. The Patriots, my team, are in it again. When we win we will have earned our 5th ring. It is a pretty exciting time in Patriot Nation and our state basically comes to a stand still starting around 5 this evening. At least, I will have something to focus on rather then February 12th.
Well, all I can do is continue to be strong, breath, smile, and be grateful, that I am still alive to even write this entry to you. I need to find a new craft. Just think if you weren’t reading this it would have never been written and you would have never known my story. You can thank February 12th for that after all of the bad things I have said. I don’t want to hurt the date’s feelings but it needs to be a date that is removed from the calendar and put to rest!