I am exhausted from this week! Many things have happened that has had my mind going on overdrive and my head just spinning on my body which seems to follow along. Today, is the day that I get my CT results, and as much as I don’t want to say this, I hope there is something wrong, that they find. I am tired living in pain each day. I am not a pill person and do not like taking strong pain medications but I have found myself being forced to as it is the only way to alleviate the pain. However, I do not want to hear the “s” word come out of his mouth cause I just can not handle another one.
I never did get to talk about the CT scan cause it got overshadowed of what happened when I tried to meet the doctor afterwards. The CT scan went absolutely awful. Of course, I didn’t just have a CT scan, I also had to go through a 10 minute procedure where I laid on a table and stuck a need inside of me to add contrast. I heard everything around me as it was being done. Contrast is used when the doctor wants an area to light up so he can see it better on a CT scan. This was the first time since my whole trauma that I had to lie on a table in a hospital and I lost it. I was crying before the doctor walked into the room. I felt like darting and never looking back but I had no choice if I ever wanted to figure out what was wrong with my arm. I made it through it by counting ceiling tiles as she fished inside of me. The CT part well that was easy and done in less then 5 minutes.
As for yesterday’s blog about wanting to thank the doctor who saved my life, I will be writing a letter to her and the administration letting them know how bad it hurt me and what a negative light it is putting on the hospital. I bet that the doctor is not even aware that any of this happening, which is the sad part.
Last but definitely not least, February 12th is only 4 days away and I am dreading it so much! I am scared, scared for what? Who knows, I am just scared. It has been a whole year and I have so many fixed emotions about that day and I still have not been able to put the pieces back together. I am trying to pre-occupy my mind on that day and have even reached out to see if my wife and I could do a play date with our nieces. They always make us smile and laugh. It will be a hard day for not only me but my wife as well. Thank god it is a Sunday and she does not work on the weekends so she will be there for me. I may or may not post on February 12th it all depends on how I feel. However, don’t worry I will be back. We are not even done with my story!
Many people have asked, where does your story start? Below I have included links from my first entry to my last. Let me know if you have any questions: