I am exhausted from this week! Many things have happened that has had my mind going on overdrive and my head just spinning on my body which seems to follow along. Today, is the day that I get my CT results, and as much as I don’t want to say this, I hope there is something wrong, that they find. I am tired living in pain each day. I am not a pill person and do not like taking strong pain medications but I have found myself being forced to as it is the only way to alleviate the pain. However, I do not want to hear the “s” word come out of his mouth cause I just can not handle another one.
I never did get to talk about the CT scan cause it got overshadowed of what happened when I tried to meet the doctor afterwards. The CT scan went absolutely awful. Of course, I didn’t just have a CT scan, I also had to go through a 10 minute procedure where I laid on a table and stuck a need inside of me to add contrast. I heard everything around me as it was being done. Contrast is used when the doctor wants an area to light up so he can see it better on a CT scan. This was the first time since my whole trauma that I had to lie on a table in a hospital and I lost it. I was crying before the doctor walked into the room. I felt like darting and never looking back but I had no choice if I ever wanted to figure out what was wrong with my arm. I made it through it by counting ceiling tiles as she fished inside of me. The CT part well that was easy and done in less then 5 minutes.
As for yesterday’s blog about wanting to thank the doctor who saved my life, I will be writing a letter to her and the administration letting them know how bad it hurt me and what a negative light it is putting on the hospital. I bet that the doctor is not even aware that any of this happening, which is the sad part.
Last but definitely not least, February 12th is only 4 days away and I am dreading it so much! I am scared, scared for what? Who knows, I am just scared. It has been a whole year and I have so many fixed emotions about that day and I still have not been able to put the pieces back together. I am trying to pre-occupy my mind on that day and have even reached out to see if my wife and I could do a play date with our nieces. They always make us smile and laugh. It will be a hard day for not only me but my wife as well. Thank god it is a Sunday and she does not work on the weekends so she will be there for me. I may or may not post on February 12th it all depends on how I feel. However, don’t worry I will be back. We are not even done with my story!
Many people have asked, where does your story start? Below I have included links from my first entry to my last. Let me know if you have any questions:
341 days, 4 hours, 38 minutes ago…
Is it too much to make a plan???
Doctor, Doctor, wait a Resident…
My Struggling Heart 
Due to having leukemia, I had several CT scans last year, and yes, those needles hurt. Back in August when I was taking chemo-therapy I had one and the nurses had to poke six different spots in my hands and arms with that needle (to inject the contrast) before they finally found a vein that would stay open. Now that really hurt!
And the next week I had chemo and those needles, by then, were having the same poor success. I’m sure the nurses thought I was a crybaby when they came with the chemo needle and I was tearful & cringing, expecting a lot of painful tries. 😦
So I can sympathize with your pain. I’m sure you hate tests as much as I do! But the CT technicians have seen a lot of suffering, so I doubt the hospital will say much in response to your letter.
I just found your blog this morning, so will have to go back and read your earlier posts.
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Thank you so much for stopping by and visiting my little piece of the universe. I get my results today and I hope it shows something because this pain is unbearable. Sounds like I need to stop by and take a peak at your blog. Once again thank you, your comment means a lot to me. -Bruce
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I understand that weariness well. I’m glad you took the time to reflect on it all. I find that sort of reflection is rejuvenating. I hope to have some time at the end of the week to read more of your links and story.
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I hope that the results of the scan can give the doctors something to work with to help alleviate the pain. Pain is exhausting. Take care.
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Me too…I am in the waiting room as I type
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May the test results you’re waiting for will lead to a diagnosis of some kind, which in some way can relieve the anxiety you’re carrying within. Gonna read you’re earlier posts. Thanks for passing by my blog earlier today. Bernice
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Everything will be the way it has to be. Stay strong buddy
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Hi Bruce, I found you through Nikki’s blog, Flying Through Water. It’s nice to connect with you! I’m looking forward to looking through your blog and reading your posts. I’m sorry the CT scan was so awful. Wishing you the best, Jenny
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Hi Bruce, nice to meet you here. Warmest wishes and hope all goes well with the results and all that follows. Keep writing, it’s great therapy and you’re seriously good at it! 🙂
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