Yesterday, February 12th was my FIRST re-birthday since my SCA (sudden cardiac event). Many people love this day as they see this as the day that they got their 2nd chance of life. I however, see it as the world went dark for 2 weeks and that my life was not in my body. Overtime, my opinions on the day will most likely change, but one thing I know is that this birthday will never be forgotten. I don’t even know if I deserved a second chance at life? I know that people may say that sounds selfish but I don’t understand why I was offered another chance to prove myself.
I often wonder about many things in a given day. I wonder if my pacemaker will go off at anytime. I wonder if I fall what might happen. I wonder when I will ever be able to get sexually intimate with my spouse. I wonder if I will ever get to see my child that never has been conceived. I wonder if I could kill someone as I get shocked while driving. I wonder if I will ever be the same. Wondering, too much will drive you crazy or insane, and trust me I know that from first hand experience. However, what do you do? It takes time , yeah I know. Time, time, time. Has anyone died by waiting on time?
Anyways, yesterday I just wanted to crawl into a lumpy ball on my bed. I figured if I never got out of bed that the day would just roll over and go to Monday. Did I mention that I was married? Yeah, that sure was not going to happen. I was woke up with my wife hugging me and then “let’s go food shopping before the storm comes.” I knew my wife wanted to distract me and get me out of the house and moving today. I could tell she was trying to pre-occupy my mind. She was right (don’t ever tell her that I said that!) it was nice to get out, people watch, and have all of our errands done by 11:30am in the morning. However, I could not keep my eyes off of every clock that I came encountered with.
12:10pm was the time I placed the 911 call on February 12, 2016. I was sitting on the first cushion of my couch (closet to the TV) and Channel 5 news had just started. Then the TV started to play tricks on my going in and out and a bright light kept appearing in the middle of my television. I started to feel really lukewarm and my heart starting pounding away. I knew something was wrong and I knew I needed to get someone else in this house to help me. Due to my endless addiction of Facebook, now it is blogging, I had my cell phone right next to me and I immediately called 911. The rest, well the rest is my story…
There was so much seriousness to this whole ordeal and once I was able to come to grips with myself I was able to share it others. I know I have said this many times before, but I have found blogging to be very therapeutic. It has helped me in so many ways, and the support that I have received has been amazing. I have so many people that have been there for me, complete strangers, that I can not thank them how much it means to me. I also have so many people that have read my blog and have made comments a lot of times reflecting on their own personal struggle.
Thank you so much I am ever so grateful!