Happy 1st Re-Birthday

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Yesterday, February 12th was my FIRST re-birthday since my SCA (sudden cardiac event).  Many people love this day as they see this as the day that they got their 2nd chance of life.  I however, see it as the world went dark for 2 weeks and that my life was not in my body.  Overtime, my opinions on the day will most likely change, but one thing I know is that this birthday will never be forgotten.  I don’t even know if I deserved a second chance at life?  I know that people may say that sounds selfish but I don’t understand why I was offered another chance to prove myself.

I often wonder about many things in a given day.  I wonder if my pacemaker will go off at anytime.  I wonder if I fall what might happen.  I wonder when I will ever be able to get sexually intimate with my spouse.  I wonder if I will ever get to see my child that never has been conceived.  I wonder if I could kill someone as I get shocked while driving.  I wonder if I will ever be the same.  Wondering, too much will drive you crazy or insane, and trust me I know that from first hand experience.  However, what do you do?  It takes time , yeah I know.  Time, time, time.  Has anyone died by waiting on time?

Anyways, yesterday I just wanted to crawl into a lumpy ball on my bed.  I figured if I never got out of bed that the day would just roll over and go to Monday.  Did I mention that I was married?  Yeah, that sure was not going to happen.  I was woke up with my wife hugging me and then “let’s go food shopping before the storm comes.”  I knew my wife wanted to distract me and get me out of the house and moving today.  I could tell she was trying to pre-occupy my mind.  She was right (don’t ever tell her that I said that!) it was nice to get out, people watch, and have all of our errands done by 11:30am in the morning.  However, I could not keep my eyes off of every clock that I came encountered with.

12:10pm was the time I placed the 911 call on February 12, 2016.  I was sitting on the first cushion of my couch (closet to the TV) and Channel 5 news had just started.  Then the TV started to play tricks on my going in and out and a bright light kept appearing in the middle of my television.  I started to feel really lukewarm  and my heart starting pounding away.  I knew something was wrong and I knew I needed to get someone else in this house to help me.  Due to my endless addiction of Facebook, now it is blogging, I had my cell phone right next to me and I immediately called 911.  The rest, well the rest is my story…

There was so much seriousness to this whole ordeal and once I was able to come to grips with myself I was able to share it others.  I know I have said this many times before, but I have found blogging to be very therapeutic.  It has helped me in so many ways, and the support that I have received has been amazing.  I have so many people that have been there for me, complete strangers, that I can not thank them how much it means to me.  I also have so many people that have read my blog and have made comments a lot of times reflecting on their own personal struggle.

Thank you so much I am ever so grateful!

bpigpen

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18 comments

  1. Blogging is SO therapeutic! Your story had me tearing up a bit. I can really sense your struggles in your writing. Both my parents suffer from heart problems, so I understand how scary and stressful it can be. I am so happy that you are celebrating your re-birthday! Here’s to many more! Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, I am so glad that you reached out to my blog and that I, in turn, found yours! Dittos on the therapy, my friend! Taking up a journal nudged me forward. Taking up a blog pushed me forward. I will enjoy dropping by and watching your “writing therapy” unfold. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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