My Achy Breaky Heart

 After what seemed to be many years, but in reality a few days, I was given March 1st as the date that my body would never be alone again…

window

March 1st was not a long wait.  In reality it was 2 days but what was I going to do for 2 whole days!  I didn’t have Carol to have fun with (she was in the ICU) and the nurses here were beyond a heavy door and I was lucky if they came if I screamed.  It was me, my room, and my TV.  I didn’t even have my laptop, talk about a horror show.  I did have my phone but I was failing at texting people.  One person I texted it said, “shr si ta ork”.  It was suppose to say, she is at work.  I could not win.  I was restless, I was deserted, I was lonely and my heart was waiting for it’s new partner.

Now heart, I did not approve your marriage with what was coming in.  I told you time after time that my heart could not take it, well I guess my heart overruled me and I am not liking to have control of my own life.  Just because you two are going to be happy inside of me doesn’t mean that I can’t fight this!  I will lose, I know, cause at the end of the day you still will be together inside of me.  All, I ask is that you please go easy on me and not do a lot of things in my body where my chest has to jump.  Even though you will have squatting rights it doesn’t mean I can evict you. The thought scares the crap out of me.

Can someone please explain to me why in a hospital room they put the TV so high up in the corner of the room almost touching the ceiling?  You know it really makes it hard to enjoy.  I guess I was lucky though to have a clear picture and sound next to my ear.  I never realized how awful some of the television shows were until you have time on your hands and can pick them apart.  Ellen, however, always made me smile and laugh (yeah call me a softy).  She is contagious once she gets going.  She always seemed to distract me from the ceiling ties.

ellen

Rarely I would have a visitor these days since coming out of the ICU.  It was lonely there with just me and my thoughts.  I wanted out, I wanted back into society again but I was far from being ready for that.  I would see the resident psychologist daily, the blood sucking phlebotomist, my team of doctors for about 5 minutes (and charged like 5000 a min for their time), and my wife would come up in the evenings depending on how exhausted she was.  Occasionally, my wife’s parent’s would come up and visit as well.  They were there for me during the hardest times of all of this.

I really felt bad for my wife she has been through so much and I knew it still was not over….

 

 

 

 

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7 comments

  1. I can imagine how hard the wait and anticipation must have been. Meh, hospitals. When you want to be alone there always seem to be someone to come in and draw blood, take a pulse or something of the sort and when you’re in need of company there’s no one to be seen.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My dad spent few days in ICU. I think it was easy for him as he was sleeping all/most of the time. To stay alone with full mind/brain awake and thoughts reflects how much strong you’re Bruce… Hope you get fine soon

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  3. “It was lonely there with just me and my thoughts. I wanted out, I wanted back into society again but I was far from being ready for that.” Such a difficult thing to have to accept, Bruce. You are such a young man. Your life balanced at the end of needles and monitors and a too-high TV. I’m so glad you made it through!

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  4. I was never in the ICU. It was an option should I become what they called “symptomatic”. It took 3 days for them to decide on a pacemaker. They put it in the next day and discharged me the next. I rarely alone. I had family and friends there most the time. The nurses were very attentive. I say two doctors each day. One in the morning and a cardiologist in the evening.
    You’re right about TV. It was the pits.

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  5. Ellen makes everything better. I’m so sorry you were there alone. How awful. Yet you are still compassionately thinking of your wife and how you felt bad for her! Freaking hate hospitals. The bloodsuckers who interupt your sleep and why. Why does blood need to be taken that frequently at night! When sleep helps you heal!

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